Showing Tag: "humor" (Show all posts)

"A STORY A WEEK" NO. 36: TIME ENOUGH AT LAST?

Posted by John Allen Small on Wednesday, June 4, 2014, In : A Story A Week 
(NOTE: This week's "Spohn Challenge" entry was inspired by a silly April Fool's Day article that ran in my old hometown newspaper years ago when I was a kid. That's why it is written in the form of a newspaper article.)



(From the Eureka Creek (OK) Weekly Pedestrian, May 30, 2014) 


In a move calculated to boost local tourism, industry and retail sales, neighboring Sipokni County may soon be divided into three time zones.


The Sipokni County Board of Commissioners announced the possible convers...


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"A STORY A WEEK" NO. 35: THE GREAT SNAKE SCARE

Posted by John Allen Small on Thursday, May 29, 2014, In : A Story A Week 

(NOTE: This week's entry in the "Spohn Challenge" project is being posted a couple of days later than usual because of our newspaper deadline schedule over the Memorial Day weekend. This particular story, though fictionalized, is based on something that actually happened not long after Melissa and I moved from Illinois to Oklahoma back in the early 1990s.)


How The Missus And I Survived The Great Snake Scare Of 1993
(From The Memoirs Of Carson Trent)


You must understand at the outset that my wife...

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"A STORY A WEEK" NO. 30: ANOTHER SHORT ONE...

Posted by John Allen Small on Monday, April 21, 2014, In : A Story A Week 

A butcher was in the habit of sending his son with a small wagon to deliver orders. The lad was a little careless, and one day he knocked over an elderly lady.

A lawsuit followed and the butcher had to pay damages. Shortly afterward, the son was the cause of another accident and another lawsuit, and the payments nearly ruined the butcher.

One day a short time after the second case had been settled, a neighbor rushed into the shop to tell the butcher that his wife had been hit by a motorcar.

...


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"A STORY A WEEK" NO. 28: NEWS FLASH!

Posted by John Allen Small on Monday, April 7, 2014, In : A Story A Week 
(NOTE: This week's entry in the ongoing "Spohn Challenge" project is written in the form of a newspaper story...)



(From the Eureka Creek (OK) Weekly Pedestrian, April 3, 2014)


The city council campaign, debate over storm sirens and arguments about whether to remove the traffic signal at the intersection of Main and Broadway all took a back seat in the news this past week, as Eureka Creek briefly played host to an emissary from another planet.


Two large spacecraft were spotted hovering over t...


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"A STORY A WEEK" NO. 27: IT WAS A LONG WINTER...

Posted by John Allen Small on Monday, March 31, 2014, In : A Story A Week 

Ralph and Gertrude were sitting at the kitchen table drinking their morning coffee listening to the weather report on the radio.  "There will be three to five inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared,” the announcer said. “You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets to allow room for snow plows to operate.”


Ralph immediately stood up, grabbed his keys and headed for the door.  “Guess I'd better go do that right now while I'm thinking about it,...


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“A STORY A WEEK NO. 24”: MURPHY'S BRIGHT IDEA

Posted by John Allen Small on Monday, March 10, 2014, In : A Story A Week 

Old Man Murphy walked into the neighborhood bar one afternoon and spent an hour or so ordering one martini after another. He quickly downed each one, removing the olives from the glasses and placing them in a small jar he'd taken out of his jacket pocket as he did so.


When at last the jar had been filled up with olives and all the drinks consumed, Murphy tipped his hat to the bartender and rose from his stool to leave, carrying the jar the the crook of one arm as he walked toward the door.


...
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"A STORY A WEEK NO. 20": IT'S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS...

Posted by John Allen Small on Monday, February 10, 2014, In : A Story A Week 

Many years ago, when I was just a wee nipper growing up on the 400 block of North Michigan Avenue in Bradley, Illinois, there was a very wise man who lived down the street from us named Ferdinand Lobomowicz. He was a very intelligent man, and all of us children looked up to him; he was the only man any of us knew who we believed might actually be smarter than our fathers. Which, in my case at least, was quite the admission.


One day I was playing in the front yard with my two younger brothers...


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"A STORY A WEEK NO. 19": ONE SATURDAY IN SIPOKNI WEST

Posted by John Allen Small on Friday, January 31, 2014, In : A Story A Week 
(Note: This week's entry in the "Spohn Challenge" is a lighthearted return to the setting of my first book, Days Gone By: Legends And Tales Of Sipokni West [pictured above], which is available for purchase at Amazon.)


Sheriff Jess Harper was on his way over to the Flaming Star one Saturday to have some lunch and talk a bit with Wichita Billings when he happened to spy Clem Morrison walking down the middle of the street waring nothing but his boots.


"What the...?"  Harper dashed across into th...


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"A STORY A WEEK" NO. 17: THE CONDUCTOR'S LAMENT

Posted by John Allen Small on Friday, January 17, 2014, In : A Story A Week 

It's a sad, sad story. I know, because I was there and I saw it happen...


There was this fellow I once knew who happened to be the frustrated conductor of an extremely mediocre local symphony orchestra. Few if any of the individual musicians could really be said to be players of professional quality; indeed, the only reason they had been accepted as members of this particular orchestra is because the city fathers wanted a local orchestra and, after all, they had to get their players from som...


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"A STORY A WEEK" NO. 16 - TWO-SENTENCE FANTASY STORY

Posted by John Allen Small on Thursday, January 9, 2014, In : A Story A Week 
(NOTE: This latest entry in the weekly "Spohn Challenge" project should be of interest to some of my Wold Newton buddies...)

Drinnon the Black Knight dropped his sword and ran away screaming as the dragon Loridans vomited a steady stream of fire in the direction of the knight’s retreating backside.


As he watched, Sir Eckert pulled the Princess close to him and said with a triumphant grin, “Well, if you can't stand the heat, don't tickle the dragon.”


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"A STORY A WEEK NO. 15" - THE DALMATIAN

Posted by John Allen Small on Monday, January 6, 2014, In : A Story A Week 
(NOTE: I had this one done and ready to go on schedule last Friday, but ended up getting bogged down with stuff at work and didn't get around to posting it as planned. Then I forgot about it until this morning. So here's Entry 16 in the weekly Spohn Challenge project...)


Grandpa Charlie was taking a drive with his grandchildren one day when a firetruck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck, just like you see in all the old movies, was a Dalmatian. Never having seen any of th...


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"A STORY A WEEK" NO. 11: TWO-SENTENCE CHRISTMAS STORY

Posted by John Allen Small on Thursday, December 5, 2013, In : A Story A Week 
(NOTE: My latest entry in the weekly Spohn Challenge project is also the latest in my ongoing efforts at writing two-sentence stories, as per David Gerrold's challenge of a while back...)


"Listen," Little Sally whispered in her baby brother's ear, "I think that's Santa's sleigh I hear."


Just then the roof caved in.


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"A STORY A WEEK" NO. 10: HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Posted by John Allen Small on Wednesday, November 27, 2013, In : A Story A Week 
(NOTE: This latest entry in the "Spohn Challenge" project is submitted with sincerest best wishes for a happy holiday.)


Thanksgiving was fast approaching, and Mrs. and Mrs. Patterson had received a holiday card in the mail from their son and his family, who lived out on the west coast and were planning to spend the holiday this year with his wife’s family. The poem printed inside the card was your typical bit of greeting card drivel, but their son’s handwritten note below that poem told ho...


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"A STORY A WEEK" NO. 8: ONE DAY IN MOTHER GOOSE LAND

Posted by John Allen Small on Friday, November 15, 2013, In : A Story A Week 
(NOTE: This is entry number eight in the weekly "Spohn Challenge" project. Steve Sykes, what have you gotten me into?"


Snow White, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo were having lunch together at the Brothers Grimm Commissary one day, swapping stories about their various misadventures and sharing gossip about other famous fairy tale characters they all knew.

At one point, for no apparent reason, Snow White took a sip of her chocolate milk and announced, “You know, I reckon I must be the most beautiful g...

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A CHRISTMAS FUNNY...

Posted by John Allen Small on Monday, December 3, 2012, In : Holiday 

The following is one of my all-time favorite humorous Christmas stories, which I first heard told by George Grove of the Kingston Trio on their Christmas concert album a few years back:

Three men all die on Christmas Eve and meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St, Peter tells them that, since it is Christmas Eve, he can't let them pass through unless they can present some sort of item associated with the holiday.


The first man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a cigarette lighter. He ligh...


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And Now A Word From Our Sponsor…

Posted by John Allen Small on Thursday, September 13, 2012, In : Unbridled Silliness 
(Me at Philip José Farmer's house in 2007. This picture has absolutely nothing to do with the text below: I just thought I'd run it because I like the picture. So there.)


Announcing a special offer for all you avid “Bard Of The Lesser Boulevards” readers out there – wherever the three of you may be. 


You say that you've had it with with all those secret fraternal organizations? You know, the ones that never seem to want you as a member?


Are you feeling left out when you see your frien...


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PIC O'THE DAY: FROM THE "MOVIES WE'D LIKE TO SEE" DEPARTMENT...

Posted by John Allen Small on Friday, June 22, 2012, In : Pictures 

...On a twin bill with The Marx Brothers in "A Night On Mongo"
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FROM THE ARCHIVES: WHAT HAPPENS IN GOTHAM...

Posted by John Allen Small on Friday, March 23, 2012, In : Pictures 

I'm sorry. I have no real explanation for this one, either...
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PIC O' THE DAY: ANOTHER CROSSOVER IDEA

Posted by John Allen Small on Tuesday, March 20, 2012, In : Pictures 

Here's yet a third cover for an imagined comics crossover idea i came with with the other day. Have to be honest with you, though: even I don't know what I was thinking of when this one popped into my head...
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FROM THE ARCHIVES: "THE JOHN A. SMALL DO-IT-YOURSELF COUNTRY SONG WRITING KIT" (1998)

Posted by John Allen Small on Friday, March 9, 2012, In : Pop Culture 
This is something I did for laughs way back when, then stuck away and forgot about until i came across it while going through some old files the other day. Please understand that it was not my intention to put down country music; I happen to like a lot of country music, although most of what I like was the stuff that was recorded back before anybody ever heard of most of the big "stars" of today like Blake and Miranda what's-their-names.

Anyway, here it is...

*      *      *

The John A. Small Do...
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CUPID RODE IN ON A BUG THIS YEAR...

Posted by John Allen Small on Friday, February 17, 2012, In : Holiday 

Some time around the start of the new year, while looking at the calendar and making an honest endeavor to plan ahead for certain “special dates” during 2012, I made a point of asking my beloved wife Melissa if there was anything special she wanted me to get her for Valentine’s Day.


“Give me something I don’t really need,” she responded. 


So I gave her the flu.


Okay, that’s not exactly how it happened. I did get the flu last week, and poor Melissa ended up coming down with it...


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LUPERCUS AND THE ART OF MODERN ROMANCE

Posted by John Allen Small on Tuesday, February 14, 2012, In : Holiday 

“It is said that wise men are not affected by women.


“Then there ain’t no wise men in this ‘appy world!”


– Exchange between two of the villain's henchmen in the Doc Savage novel Meteor Menace, originally published march 1934 (Quoted from memory so don't be too rough on me...)


*      *      *


Every February 15th, the ancient Romans used to take part in a fertility ritual known as the Lupercalia, so named in honor of some obscure rustic diety known as Lupercus.


Much later - som...


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A CHRISTMAS STORY...

Posted by John Allen Small on Wednesday, December 7, 2011, In : Holiday 

I'll be the first to admit it's a bit on the tacky side, but this has been one of my favorite Christmas stories since I first heard it on a Kingston Trio concert album a few years back. It goes something like this:


Three men all die on Christmas Eve and meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St, Peter tells them that, since it is Christmas Eve, he can't let them pass through unless they can present some sort of item associated with the holiday.


The first man reaches into his pocket and pulls o...


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The OTHER Big Bang Theory...

Posted by John Allen Small on Wednesday, September 21, 2011, In : Unbridled Silliness 

One day not too very long ago I was talking with one of my sons (I won’t say which one, so as to try to avoid any undue embarrassment – although he’d probably tell you that ship sailed a long time ago), who in between sips of chocolate milk shared a most interesting hypothesis with me.


“Sometimes,” he said in a voice so earnest I just knew he was pulling my leg, “I get the feeling that the Universe was created by time travel.”


I put down the magazine I was reading and gave him...


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Pic Of The Day

Posted by John Allen Small on Tuesday, May 31, 2011, In : Pictures 
Following my good buddy Win Eckert's example, I thought every now and again I'd post some picture that I feel worth sharing. We'll start with this thing I did a while back while fooling around on Photoshop trying to keep myself entertained...
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About Me


John Allen Small John A. Small is an award-winning newspaper journalist, columnist and broadcaster whose work has been honored by the Oklahoma Press Association, the Society of Professional Journalists, the Associated Press, the National Newspaper Association, and the Oklahoma Education Association. He and his wife Melissa were married in 1986; they have two sons, Joshua Orrin (born 1991) and William Ian (born 1996). Mr. Small is the News Editor and columnist for the Johnston County Capital-Democrat, a weekly newspaper headquartered in Tishomingo, OK. He obtained his nickname, "Bard of the Lesser Boulevards," from a journalism colleague - the late Phil Byrum - in recognition of the success of his popular newspaper column, "Small Talk." (In addition to the many awards the column itself has received over the years, a radio version of "Small Talk" earned an award for "Best Small Market Commentary" from the Society of Professional Journalists in 1998.) John was born in Oklahoma City in 1963; lived in the Bradley-Bourbonnais-Kankakee area of Illinois for most of the next 28 years (with brief sojourns in Texas and Athens, Greece, thrown in to break up the monotony); then returned to his native state in 1991, where he currently resides in the Tishomingo/Ravia area. He graduated from Bradley-Bourbonnais Community High School in 1981, and received his bachelor's degree in journalism from Olivet Nazarene University in Bourbonnais in 1991. The years between high school and college were a period frought with numerous exploits and misadventures, some of which have become the stuff of legend; nobody was hurt along the way, however, which should count for something. In addition to his professional career as a journalist he has published two short story collections: "Days Gone By: Legends And Tales Of Sipokni West" (2007), a collection of western stories; and "Something In The Air" (2011), a more eclectic collection. He was also a contributor to the 2005 Locus Award-nominated science fiction anthology "Myths For The Modern Age: Philip Jose Farmer's Wold Newton Universe," edited by Win Scott Eckert. In additon he has written a stage play and a self-published cookbook; served as project editor for a book about the JFK assassination entitled "The Men On The Sixth Floor"; and has either published or posted on the Internet a number of essays, stories and poems. He has also won writing awards from the Veterans of Foreign Wars and the National Library of Poetry. He is a past president of the Johnston County Chamber of Commerce in Tishomingo; was a charter member and past president of the Johnston County Reading Council, the local literacy advocacy and "friends of the library" organization; served as Johnston County's first-ever Americans with Disabilities Act coordinator in 1994-95; served two terms as chairman of the Johnston County (OK) Democratic Party; and has taught journalism classes for local Boy Scout Merit Badge Fairs. He is a member of the New Wold Newton Meteorics Society.
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