IT MUST HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE WEEKENDS...
Posted by John Allen Small on Monday, June 27, 2011 Under: Unbridled Silliness
A Message From VAST (Vociferous Americans Sensing Trouble)
A Subsidiary of the Tea Party Institute for Creative Mind Control
• Do you believe that the United States Government covered up the crash-landing of a spacecraft from another world in Roswell, New Mexico in July of 1947?
• Are you convinced that the Apollo moon landings actually took place on a Hollywood soundstage?
• Have you recently spotted Elvis Presley wolfing down a large Canadian Bacon and Anchovy at Simple Simon’s Pizza?
• Are you tired of people laughing at your suspicions that the death of Marilyn Monroe, the JFK assassination, Watergate, Waco, the crash of TWA Flight 800, Wendy's sea-salt fries, the success of Lady Gaga, Ted Turner's hair and Disney’s acquisition of Marvel Comics are all part of some all-encompassing plot on the part of dimension-traveling aliens hell-bent on destroying the space-time continuum?
• Do you feel Glenn Beck is a national hero?
• Do you find yourself fantasizing about spending a quiet evening alone with Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann?
Then, friends, do we have a club for you!
V.A.S.T. – Vociferous Americans Sensing Trouble – is an organization for those who are convinced that there are all sorts of conspiracies lurking out there in the bushes of some grassy knoll or hiding in the basement next to the monster that lives behind the furnace. Join us today and you can rest comfortably from now on, secure in the knowledge that the next time someone mentions the V.A.S.T. Conspiracy Theory, you’ll be one of the few to know just what the @#%! they’re talking about!
So send in your annual membership fee of $17.76 today and join the growing bastion of clear-headed, right-thinking Americans who know what’s really going on. Write to: V.A.S.T., P.O. Box 62, Tishomingo, Ok 73460. And remember: your tax-deductible donations will help us send a couple of poor, struggling newspaper writers and several well-endowed ladies of questionable repute to Rush Limbaugh’s summer villa in Saskatchewan for a well-deserved vacation.
(This offer void where prohibited - meaning anyplace where some degree of common sense and the ability to think for one's self still exists.)
In : Unbridled Silliness
Tags: "silliness"
John A. Small is an award-winning newspaper journalist, columnist and broadcaster whose work has been honored by the Oklahoma Press Association, the Society of Professional Journalists, the Associated Press, the National Newspaper Association, and the Oklahoma Education Association. He and his wife Melissa were married in 1986; they have two sons, Joshua Orrin (born 1991) and William Ian (born 1996).
Mr. Small is the News Editor and columnist for the Johnston County Capital-Democrat, a weekly newspaper headquartered in Tishomingo, OK. He obtained his nickname, "Bard of the Lesser Boulevards," from a journalism colleague - the late Phil Byrum - in recognition of the success of his popular newspaper column, "Small Talk." (In addition to the many awards the column itself has received over the years, a radio version of "Small Talk" earned an award for "Best Small Market Commentary" from the Society of Professional Journalists in 1998.)
John was born in Oklahoma City in 1963; lived in the Bradley-Bourbonnais-Kankakee area of Illinois for most of the next 28 years (with brief sojourns in Texas and Athens, Greece, thrown in to break up the monotony); then returned to his native state in 1991, where he currently resides in the Tishomingo/Ravia area. He graduated from Bradley-Bourbonnais Community High School in 1981, and received his bachelor's degree in journalism from Olivet Nazarene University in Bourbonnais in 1991. The years between high school and college were a period frought with numerous exploits and misadventures, some of which have become the stuff of legend; nobody was hurt along the way, however, which should count for something.
In addition to his professional career as a journalist he has published two short story collections: "Days Gone By: Legends And Tales Of Sipokni West" (2007), a collection of western stories; and "Something In The Air" (2011), a more eclectic collection. He was also a contributor to the 2005 Locus Award-nominated science fiction anthology "Myths For The Modern Age: Philip Jose Farmer's Wold Newton Universe," edited by Win Scott Eckert. In additon he has written a stage play and a self-published cookbook; served as project editor for a book about the JFK assassination entitled "The Men On The Sixth Floor"; and has either published or posted on the Internet a number of essays, stories and poems.
He has also won writing awards from the Veterans of Foreign Wars and the National Library of Poetry. He is a past president of the Johnston County Chamber of Commerce in Tishomingo; was a charter member and past president of the Johnston County Reading Council, the local literacy advocacy and "friends of the library" organization; served as Johnston County's first-ever Americans with Disabilities Act coordinator in 1994-95; served two terms as chairman of the Johnston County (OK) Democratic Party; and has taught journalism classes for local Boy Scout Merit Badge Fairs. He is a member of the New Wold Newton Meteorics Society.
