"A STORY A WEEK" NO. 17: THE CONDUCTOR'S LAMENT
January 17, 2014
It's a sad, sad story. I know, because I was there and I saw it happen...
There was this fellow I once knew who happened to be the frustrated conductor of an extremely mediocre local symphony orchestra. Few if any of the individual musicians could really be said to be players of professional quality; indeed, the only reason they had been accepted as members of this particular orchestra is because the city fathers wanted a local orchestra and, after all, they had to get their players from somewhere.
An area of particular concern for the poor conductor were they players in his bass section. Of all the would-be musicians in this rag-tag band, they were by far the worst; they rarely practiced at home, had difficulty keeping up with the rest of the band during joint practices, and had on occasion even been known to show up for those practices somewhat inebriated.
For the orchestra’s final performance of the season, one of the city fathers had submitted to the conductor a special request. He asked that the band play his father’s favorite piece: Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, one of the best known works of the Western classical repertoire and considered by many to be the composer’s greatest masterpiece.
It had long been one of the conductor’s favorite pieces, as well, which is exactly why he had never previously allowed it to be performed by the orchestra. Among other things, this particular piece requires some degree of extra effort from the bass players at the end – and he knew in his heart of hearts that his bass players were not up to the task.
But the city father was insistent, so the conductor reluctantly agreed.
On the evening of the performance, he arrived to find that the bass players were indeed tanked; it seems one of them had birthday that same day, and he and his fellow players had celebrated by passing a bottle around.
Already assured that the evening was doomed to be a catastrophe, the conductor nonetheless strode out before the audience and took his place at the podium. The band made it blandly through most of the piece, and as the ending drew near the conductor grew more and more nervous; when the time finally came to cue the bass players for the finale, the poor fellow had become so unnerved that he knocked over his music stand, scattering his sheet music scattered everywhere.
And so there he stood with his worst fears realized: It was the bottom of the Ninth, with no score and the basses were loaded...
Posted by John Allen Small. Posted In : A Story A Week
John A. Small is an award-winning newspaper journalist, columnist and broadcaster whose work has been honored by the Oklahoma Press Association, the Society of Professional Journalists, the Associated Press, the National Newspaper Association, and the Oklahoma Education Association. He and his wife Melissa were married in 1986; they have two sons, Joshua Orrin (born 1991) and William Ian (born 1996).
Mr. Small is the News Editor and columnist for the Johnston County Capital-Democrat, a weekly newspaper headquartered in Tishomingo, OK. He obtained his nickname, "Bard of the Lesser Boulevards," from a journalism colleague - the late Phil Byrum - in recognition of the success of his popular newspaper column, "Small Talk." (In addition to the many awards the column itself has received over the years, a radio version of "Small Talk" earned an award for "Best Small Market Commentary" from the Society of Professional Journalists in 1998.)
John was born in Oklahoma City in 1963; lived in the Bradley-Bourbonnais-Kankakee area of Illinois for most of the next 28 years (with brief sojourns in Texas and Athens, Greece, thrown in to break up the monotony); then returned to his native state in 1991, where he currently resides in the Tishomingo/Ravia area. He graduated from Bradley-Bourbonnais Community High School in 1981, and received his bachelor's degree in journalism from Olivet Nazarene University in Bourbonnais in 1991. The years between high school and college were a period frought with numerous exploits and misadventures, some of which have become the stuff of legend; nobody was hurt along the way, however, which should count for something.
In addition to his professional career as a journalist he has published two short story collections: "Days Gone By: Legends And Tales Of Sipokni West" (2007), a collection of western stories; and "Something In The Air" (2011), a more eclectic collection. He was also a contributor to the 2005 Locus Award-nominated science fiction anthology "Myths For The Modern Age: Philip Jose Farmer's Wold Newton Universe," edited by Win Scott Eckert. In additon he has written a stage play and a self-published cookbook; served as project editor for a book about the JFK assassination entitled "The Men On The Sixth Floor"; and has either published or posted on the Internet a number of essays, stories and poems.
He has also won writing awards from the Veterans of Foreign Wars and the National Library of Poetry. He is a past president of the Johnston County Chamber of Commerce in Tishomingo; was a charter member and past president of the Johnston County Reading Council, the local literacy advocacy and "friends of the library" organization; served as Johnston County's first-ever Americans with Disabilities Act coordinator in 1994-95; served two terms as chairman of the Johnston County (OK) Democratic Party; and has taught journalism classes for local Boy Scout Merit Badge Fairs. He is a member of the New Wold Newton Meteorics Society.
