Overdose Of Goofy Juice...?

May 21, 2015

Either we are about to plunge off the precipice into another long national election cycle, or else some people have thrown caution to the wind and are deliberately exceeding their doctors’ recommended daily amount of Goofy Juice.

Or, quite possibly, both. 

How else does one logically explain the increase in the number of just out-and-out bizarre items in the national news that I’ve found myself running across in recent weeks?

One of the most recent came this past Sunday on the CBS News program Face The Nation, when Scott Walker - governor of Wisconsin and just one of the seemingly endless parade of GOP contenders for the 2016 presidential nomination - announced (with a straight face, mind you)  that he would be the most qualified person to lead the country's foreign policy because he has visited six countries while serving as governor.

Well, heck, by that reckoning I’m qualified to be mayor of Tishomingo, because I’ve driven on just about every street in town at least once in the not quite 24 years since I moved to Johnston County. Come to think of it, I’m probably qualified to run for president myself; after all, I’ve been to all but maybe seven or eight of the 50 states at some point in my lifetime.

Shoot, if visiting places is all it takes to qualify a person to hold certain positions in life, then there’s a wealth of wonderful opportunities awaiting me if this career in journalism ends up not panning out. 

Maybe I can become a chef; I’ve been to McDonald’s, White Castle and Steak ‘N’ Shake a few times. I like going to the movies; maybe I can become an actor. I once changed planes in Rome while flying to Greece back when I was in the Air Force; I might have a shot at becoming Pope...

No, it doesn’t really work that way.  I know that. Somebody needs to explain it to Scott Walker.

But my favorite bizarre news item in recent weeks concerns the much publicized (and utterly ridiculous) fear on the part of some people in this country that an upcoming military training exercise is, in fact, part of a clandestine plot by President Obama to declare martial law and remain in power after the 2016 election. That wee bit of paranoia developed so much traction that Texas Governor Greg Abbott reportedly announced that he was deploying the Texas State Guard to “monitor” the exercise, in order to prevent a military takeover of Texas.

Here's the question I keep waiting for someone to answer: Why would the U.S. need to stage a military takeover of Texas when Texas is ALREADY part of the U.S.? Isn’t that a little like Johnston County invading Tishomingo?

I’m telling you, it has to be the Goofy Juice...


Why, Kraft, Why?

April 23, 2015

Dear Kraft Foods:

I was ALREADY angry with you. I have been ever since you made the bone-headed decision a few years back to discontinue sales of your classic Chicken Noodle Dinner - a move which I still consider to be a personal insult to me and my family. 

That delicious dinner in the little brown box had been an important staple of mealtime in the Small Household for as far back as I could remember. More than merely an easy-to-make side dish that went with almost everything, it was an im...

Continue reading...


April 2, 2015

(* - A Latin term that means "the refutation of a proposition by demonstrating the inevitably absurd conclusion to which it would logically lead.)

You know what? I give up. I surrender. You’ve convinced me. I admit it, I was wrong. White flag. Uncle.

A fellow can take only so much hate mail and so many beatings about the head and shoulders with a proverbial two-by-four before he finally reaches the conclusion that he has engaged himself in a losing battle and capitulates. And so, effecti...

Continue reading...

The Davy Jones-Scooby Doo Counter-Revolution Polka (or, A Very Brady Crossover)

March 25, 2015

I have written a time or 10 in the past about my great childhood love of two great old TV series, Batman and The Green Hornet, both of which originally aired on ABC in the 1960s. Both shows were produced by a gentleman named William Dozier, who - in an effort to garner a larger viewership for The Green Hornet, which wasn’t quite bringing in the ratings of the other show - came up with the idea of having the Green Hornet and his sidekick Kato appear in an episode of Batman.  

Now you have t...

Continue reading...


February 25, 2015

Back in 1994 I self-published a collection of family recipes - some of them dreamed up by my mom and dad, some by me, some by my wife Melissa - and sold it locally at the Johnston County Fourth of July Festival and the Chickasaw Festival. Some of the recipes were silly things I came up with as a kid babysitting my younger brothers during the summer months; others were recipes that a lot of thought had been put into. I published 1,000 copies and sold all but the two that I kept for at home (on...

Continue reading...


February 19, 2015
...Long story short, I had to get a new computer in order to post updates, because the one I've been using at work uses an older operating system and is apparently no longer compatible with the Yola website. (Actually I had to get a new laptop for at home anyway, but that's another story....)

Anyway, I'm back after far too long an absence. So first things first: When things went "kerflooey" I was two posts away from completing my participation in the "Spohn Challenge," which asks participants ...
Continue reading...


September 17, 2014
(Note: This week’s entry in the "Spohn Challenge" project was written in the form of a historical text. The idea was to create a tale that combined elements of Tolkien-like fantasy with the legends of Robin Hood or Zorro. I don't know that the attempt has been particularly successful, but I had a swell time writing it anyway and in the end that's what matters, I think...)

*      *      *


(HISTORICAL NOTE: The following is an excerpt from Book 5, Chapter 14, of ...

Continue reading...


September 8, 2014
(Note: Now that we're back on track, here is the latest entry in the weekly "Spohn Challenge" project...)

Jack Ramsey stirred in his hospital bed, opened his eyes and looked up into the face of the beautiful woman who - even though he knew he hadn't deserved it - had promised to love, honor and cherish nearly six decades before. 

It had been a long journey together, and he understood that for him that journey would soon be over. He understood it, but he didn't much like it. It wasn't the leav...

Continue reading...


September 5, 2014
And here we have the third and final set of "Spohn Challenge" stories that I was forced to post elsewhere while having issue with this site over the course of the summer. This set brings up up to this week's entry (No. 48), so barring any recurrence of the glitches that gave me such fits, next week we'll be picking up back on schedule as far as the stories being posted here as opposed to on my Facebook wall.

So let's get started, shall we...?

*      *      *



Continue reading...


September 5, 2014
Here is the second batch of the "Spohn Challenge" entries I wrote and posted on Facebook while I was having technical problems here:

*      *      *



Five years ago, when a fellow named Jackson Talbot first moved into town and opened his Crimson Jack’s Naughty Nighties Emporium over on the west side of town, a few of the women in Jillian’s neighborhood took part in a series of demonstrations organized by a small group of well-meaning litt...

Continue reading...
blog comments powered by Disqus
blog comments powered by Disqus
blog comments powered by Disqus

About Me

John Allen Small John A. Small is an award-winning newspaper journalist, columnist and broadcaster whose work has been honored by the Oklahoma Press Association, the Society of Professional Journalists, the Associated Press, the National Newspaper Association, and the Oklahoma Education Association. He and his wife Melissa were married in 1986; they have two sons, Joshua Orrin (born 1991) and William Ian (born 1996). Mr. Small is the News Editor and columnist for the Johnston County Capital-Democrat, a weekly newspaper headquartered in Tishomingo, OK. He obtained his nickname, "Bard of the Lesser Boulevards," from a journalism colleague - the late Phil Byrum - in recognition of the success of his popular newspaper column, "Small Talk." (In addition to the many awards the column itself has received over the years, a radio version of "Small Talk" earned an award for "Best Small Market Commentary" from the Society of Professional Journalists in 1998.) John was born in Oklahoma City in 1963; lived in the Bradley-Bourbonnais-Kankakee area of Illinois for most of the next 28 years (with brief sojourns in Texas and Athens, Greece, thrown in to break up the monotony); then returned to his native state in 1991, where he currently resides in the Tishomingo/Ravia area. He graduated from Bradley-Bourbonnais Community High School in 1981, and received his bachelor's degree in journalism from Olivet Nazarene University in Bourbonnais in 1991. The years between high school and college were a period frought with numerous exploits and misadventures, some of which have become the stuff of legend; nobody was hurt along the way, however, which should count for something. In addition to his professional career as a journalist he has published two short story collections: "Days Gone By: Legends And Tales Of Sipokni West" (2007), a collection of western stories; and "Something In The Air" (2011), a more eclectic collection. He was also a contributor to the 2005 Locus Award-nominated science fiction anthology "Myths For The Modern Age: Philip Jose Farmer's Wold Newton Universe," edited by Win Scott Eckert. In additon he has written a stage play and a self-published cookbook; served as project editor for a book about the JFK assassination entitled "The Men On The Sixth Floor"; and has either published or posted on the Internet a number of essays, stories and poems. He has also won writing awards from the Veterans of Foreign Wars and the National Library of Poetry. He is a past president of the Johnston County Chamber of Commerce in Tishomingo; was a charter member and past president of the Johnston County Reading Council, the local literacy advocacy and "friends of the library" organization; served as Johnston County's first-ever Americans with Disabilities Act coordinator in 1994-95; served two terms as chairman of the Johnston County (OK) Democratic Party; and has taught journalism classes for local Boy Scout Merit Badge Fairs. He is a member of the New Wold Newton Meteorics Society.
blog comments powered by Disqus
blog comments powered by Disqus
blog comments powered by Disqus
blog comments powered by Disqus
blog comments powered by Disqus